Memories
by Aritsu Yojichi
Summary: After defying Rouvelier, Allen is forced to be put in the dungeon below Helvaska's chamber. There, Allen reflects on his past relationship with Kanda. Lemon, N/C-17 Yullen Character Death


**A/N: This came to me while reading the new chapter for DGM. So SPOILER WARNING! Contains yaoi, hints at a shit-load of pairings, angst, and Rouvelier. My beta is myself and my word check on Microsoft Word. **

**Pairings: Yullen, Tokullen, Almanda, AllenxNeah, and Allink. You have been warned. **

**Word Count: roughly 4K**

**Status: Complete/One-shot**

**Rating: Hard R**

**Summery: After defying Rouvelier, Allen is forced to be put in the dungeon below Helvaska's chamber. There, Allen reflects on his past relationship with Kanda. Contains Yaoi, don't like, don't read. Spoilers for Chapter 200. Lemon, made with TheUkeYuuBaKanda. **

"This is an order Walker! Go through the gate and destroy Alma this instant!" I faintly heard Rouvelier yell at me, but I was focused on helping Tokusa. I couldn't just let a precious friend die right in front of me. I already had to let Alma go, same with Kanda. I wasn't about to do the same with Tokusa. "If you don't then you are no longer an Exorcist!" Fine, it wasn't as if you treated me as one in the first place. All you did, Malcolm, was fuel the hatred of the Noah inside of me, make me doubt the Order, the home that I have come to know. I used my Innocence and clawed at the Dark Matter surrounding Tokusa. It seemed to snap him out of his senses a little bit.

"Open…OPEN YOUR EYES TOKUSA!" I yelled to the CROW member. I had to make him snap out of it. "You aren't Alma! These are just his cells controlling _your_ body! It's your body! Fight Alma's rage and take it back!" I kept on trying, even if it was a hopeless cause, but I wasn't about to let that happen. "If you're such a much better warrior then I am, then fucking show me! GET YOURSELF TOGETHER!"

Tokusa looked at me with a blank expression. "Aren't you…aren't you going to destroy me?" The faint voice asked. The CROW members' voice was laced in pain and confusion. I couldn't stop the tears from falling from my eyes.

I looked at the CROW. I grabbed his head and head butted it. "Why are you, of all people, giving up?" Under all of the science division and other divisions from the lab of where we were, I heard Tokusa chuckle.

"Who said I have given up yet?" Tokusa asked and my eyes widened. "Keep using your Innocence to weaken Alma's cells. Suppress his grudge." The CROW member told me and I nodded in understanding. I could save him. I raised my Innocence and was about to claw at the Dark Matter again, but my body got heavy again.

Shibari-bane was firmly wrapped around me again. The heaviness from the last time set in and I plummeted towards the floor. Link stood in front of me and held on to Shibari-bane. I immediately started struggling; Link couldn't do this to me. Towards the back of my mind, I was wondering why Tevak was bound by Shibari-bane and not on a rampage like Tokusa, but the rage I felt towards Link for cutting off Tokusas' salvation was what had taken up my mind at the moment. "Deactivate your Innocence, Walker!" He commanded. In what position was I in to argue? If I didn't deactivate, then Link would make it so that Shibari-bane would force me to deactivate.

"Lock him in the dungeon below Helvaska's chamber. I want twenty-four hour watch on him until I can get down there." I heard Rouvelier say. He walked passed me and gave me a dirty look. My grey eyes just stared into his black ones and, for once, he was scared. Scared because I had turned into the Fourteenth for a few moments, twice. Scared because he finally realized that no matter how tight the leash was around my neck, I would always bite back.

Pa—ge

The dungeon was dimly lit and the stone floor was cold. At times I wished I didn't have Shibari-bane around me so that I could seek warmth in my Innocence. Others, I wished that I wasn't so goddamned loyal to the Order and just be able to strangle Rouvelier. I could feel Neah smiling at these thoughts. He wasn't happy being tied up like this either.

How long had I been down here? _I don't know._

How long were they going to keep me here, like a caged dog? _Again, I didn't know._

How long was I going to sit here and rot? _Who said you had to sit?_

Stop asking questions. I groaned. Great, now I was talking to myself. Or was that you, Neah? I waited for an answer, but there was none. So I was talking to myself; I slid down against the cold stone and sighed. What was I to do? Everyone was fighting and I was sitting here, on my ass, doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself. I had to somehow escape. My grey eyes glanced around, looking for any blind spots and exits that could be easy to get out of if I didn't have my Innocence.

_Neah?_ I tried to talk to my inner Noah. The Fourteenth was silent, and I was alone. I wanted to talk to someone, but without a reflective surface I was alone in my own head. It was enough to drive anyone mad. All I had were memories, data that my brain had stored for a time like this. I picked through Neah's memories from his previous life, I didn't care for those at all. I just wanted to get to the ones of me and Kanda. The times where I was happy and not afraid of what Rouvelier would do to me on a day-to-day basis.

I thought of his face. The cold eyes and his godly face. The way his cheekbones were rounded just enough to give him the features of a warrior and not of a female, like me. His inky black hair felt so soft as I touched it in the memory. The way he ran it around my chest before sex. My memories' eyes traveled downward towards his perfectly toned chest. The curse tattoo on his left pectoral marred his shoulder and created a very sensitive character close to his nipple. His perfectly chiseled abs were always mine to play with and mark before we did anything intimate. They were always littered with my bite marks before he entered me; though, they didn't last long thanks to his curse mark. His hands were rough from handling a sword his entire life, but I didn't mind the roughness. When we were pressed for time I always enjoyed it rough, with no foreplay.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I couldn't be caught with a boner in my pants. The guards would most likely ask questions and I don't think they would trust me anyway. So, after willing the uncomfortable tightness in my pants away, I closed my eyes and tried to get to sleep.

Pa—ge

Sleep did not come easy for neither me nor Alma. My life-long friend was shivering and trying to suppress the urge to destroy my Innocence. Eventually I had kicked it away so that his hatred for Innocence would die down a little bit. He held onto me like a little lost puppy and he honestly reminded me of the Moyashi. Alma's arms tightened around my waist and I looked down at him. He was crying, and for a split second, his face was replaced by the Moyashis'. "Would you stop crying? You were always the one to start crying when we were kids." I huffed.

"I'm crying…because you're here with me, Yuu." He said. "I'm crying because I get to spend my final moments with you, without a regret in the world." I brought my left hand underneath his chin and pulled him forward, towards me.

"Close you're eyes, brat." I told him and he did as I had said. I leaned my head down and when my lips were a hairs breath away I stopped. My heart lurched; it was remembering the Moyashis' touch. Growling, I ignored it and pressed my lips to Almas'. His brown eyes fluttered open then closed again. I ran my tongue against his bottom lip, asking for entrance that Alma gladly gave me. He opened his mouth slightly, as if unsure of the mechanics of it and I dove in; tasting the sweet taste of my best friend. I pulled away seconds later and looked at him.

His face was flushed a bright red and he had a trail of saliva running down his chin. I wiped it off with the back of my hand and I gently pulled his head to my chest. "Go to sleep, brat." I told him. I remembered how the Moyashi stayed with Lala and Guzol here in Matel, until Lala died after we defeated the Level Two. Here I was again, in Matel hearing Lala's voice again sing her lullaby for me and Alma; singing us into a blissful sleep.

Pa—ge

_Kanda was kissing all along my chest and neck, nipping here and there, making me moan with every bite, every well aimed scrape of his teeth brought my pleasure to new heights. We both knew this would be the last time we would be like this for a while, and we wanted to make it last. We would take our time and build up the pressure until we were both over-flowing with the need. My fingers buried themselves in his black hair and the nails of my left hand carved little crescent moons in his back. _

_Wanting to be dominant for a minuet, I flipped our positions and ran my hands down his chest and attached my lips to his jawbone. He let out a groan of appreciation. Feeling bolder, I gently kissed down to his chest. _

_Kanda finally flip__ped me over underneath himself; not ready to be the submissive one, he began to kiss down my chest and sternum. He then began to take my pants off, almost getting stuck in the process of his impatience. I chuckled and helped him get rid of my pants as I got rid of his, our members straining against the undercothing__. __With both our pants off, I could feel the bulge in his pants pressing against mine. I slowly felt him press it harder agianst me to show his growing enthusiam. I replied back with a a thrust of my hips into his. _

_I ground up into his hips as he ground down into mine. His hand wrapped around my waist, slowly making it's way to my boxers; sliding down my ass to give one of the cheeks a gentle squeeze.__ I gave a gentle gasp as his hands grasped my ass. I slowly repaid his hands gesture by working my hand into his boxers and grabbing onto his member and with the other hand slowly working his boxers down a bit. He groaned as my left hand enclosed on his member, a rare noise for him. He preffered to be silent and not say a word until the end. Seeing the opportunity, I slipped his boxers off all the way and ran one finger from the back of his scrotum to the tip of his penis. _

_I could see he enjoyed this from the wincing look in his eyes. Continuing with the slow massage of his member he managed to slip my boxers off too, but only to grab onto my now ever growing member. I let out a silent moan as he began working his hands __up and down my member, while me still managing to do the same to him. He rested his head in the crook of my neck, breathing heavily. his hand sped up, as did mine. When I felt his cock twitch I let go, knowing he was at the edge. The whole point of this game was to bring each other to orgasm slowly, not fast as we were both doing; but we both knew we were going to abandon the game eventually. _

_Feeling the release of my hand on his cock, he releaed mine as well. Looking into his now leaning head, __I saw what he wanted from me, but I was not going to give in so easily. I leaned forward as if to kiss his now ever glowing lips, but went further latching onto his neck with my teeth and giving it a gentle bite. He almost threw his head back as I used my hand to play with one of his nipples. I used my free hand to run one finger down his back, enjoying the arch in it whenever I came upon a sensitive spot. _

_Given the chance, he used his hand to move the hair from out of my eyes and kissed my forehead and begun to run his hands __down my back, massaging every spot he could until he reached my ass and gave each cheek a tight squeeze and then released them to bring his hand back up to my neck where he began to give me gentle and hard bites that left teeth marks of a reminder of what he had done. I groaned at the bites and he only bit harder. "Kanda, that hurts!" I whined and he chuckled. _

_"Well the more you whine, the harder I will bite you." Kanda said, working his way down to my chest and giving my nipple an extremly hard bite, leaving it extremely red. I responded by running my nails down his back, leaving red streaks down his back and a trickle of blood here and there. My patience broke and I took three of his fingers into my mouth and started licking them. Like I said before, one of us would eventually break the game rules. I just didn't expect it to be me. I was normally calm and patient. _

_He groaned when I took his fingers into my mouth.__ I masterly coated them, making sure there was enough saliva to make initial penetration painless. Once he deemed them coated enough, he pulled them out but my mouth didn't want them to leave. Letting go of them with an audiable 'pop', he ran them down my stomach, leaving a cold trail from where the saliva hit. I physically shivered and prepared myself for his sudden intrusions, that he was known for. _

_Thrusting his index finger inseide of me, he didn't even waste time letting me adjust and began thrusting his finger inside of me and out. Once I had loosened up he added his middle finger, looking for my prostate. __He found it three jabs later and my back arched like a bow being drawn and out of my mouth came a long, drawn on moan of Kanda's name. Smirking, he kept on hitting my prostate and his lips ghosted over my member. I bucked my hips towards his face and he just laughed._

"_I thought the whole idea was to not orgasm, Allen." He said and I moaned at the sound of my name. His accent made his L's sound like R's, so it came out more like "Aren." But by god, was it sexy. _

"_Kanda, I can't take it anymore." I said as he added his final finger. Immediately, my rectum closed on the fingers. He kept sliding them in and out until I was relaxed enough for him to find my prostate again, and find he did. Immediately he began to thrust against it until my mind was off the pain and hazed in pleasure. My arms wrapped themselves around his neck, feeling the small specks of dried blood from earlier. "Please." I begged and Kanda complied. His fingers slipped out of me and I felt empty until I felt something bigger and much hotter at my entrance. _

_He slowly eased the tip of his erection in my retum and I culd not help but clamp down on him. Pain began to make it's way back into my brain. My initial reaction was to pull away from the object trying to force it's way into a spot that isn't meant to be streached like this. He whispered close to my ear as he took ahold of my member and started pumping it to get my mind off the pain. It did work and I was soon begging him to start moving. _

_He complied and he found my prostate quickly, after two thrusts. Repeatedly pounding into that spot made my back arch more and I could feel myself close. "K—Yuu, I—I," I couldn't form the words. His head fell to my neck as he panted hard and whispered curses and moaned my name. _

_One more thrust to my prostate had me falling over the edge of my metaphorical cliff. His thrusts broke his perfect rhythem and he was thrusting into me with abandon. With one last cry of my name, he came deep into me, filling me with his pearly-white fluid. _

Pa—ge

I jolted awake as I felt a wetness in my pants. "Have a nice dream?" Rouvelier asked and I felt my face go red in anger. Didn't this man know how to give people privacy? No, of course not. If he did he wouldn't be here. Instead of cursing him I just glared, my grey eyes turning cold.

"What do you want?" I asked. He just chuckled.

"I told you that I would get what I want someday." Rouvelier grabbed my chin and squeezed it harshly. "You will be stripped of your Innocence and be hung for the traitor you are." He let me go as he turned to walk away.

I felt my lips moving but I didn't command my body to say anything. "Maybe if you got what you wanted, you'd have gotten laid by now." Neah said to him. Rouvelier immediately turned around and slammed me against the wall. Neah kept on smiling as Rouvelier raised a fist and was about to hit Neah when Link stopped him.

"Sir, that isn't a good idea. Central wants him unharmed." The German man said. I sighed in relief as Rouvelier let me go and stormed off. Link's eyes followed him out and when he heard the iron door close he turned back to me. "You are such a pain, Walker."

"That wasn't me, Link. Neah took me over when he heard I was to be executed." I said in my defense and Link nodded. I looked at the floor, a dead expression in my eyes. "H-how…"

"Your execution is set for this Saturday, at noon. It will be a public event." I froze. Rouvelier made it so that anyone can come and see me die?

The days prior to Saturday seemed to go by as a blur. I was let out of Shibari-bane but was only given enough food to survive until then, and that wasn't much at all. Crowned Clown was starting to cause me pain. It needed energy and I silently pleaded for it to stop hurting me. By Friday, my left eye was starting to act up like it had in Asia Branch. The pain from Crowned Clown and the pain from my cursed eye had me screaming all throughout that night.

Saturday morning rolled around and I was dragged to the gallows at around eight. For public shame, or that was what Rouvelier told me. He was a sadist at heart; I knew it the moment I felt the katana bite into the skin of my shoulder. He ran the blade down my arm until it came into contact with the Innocence ebbed in the back of my hand. His expression turned into that of a Noah. He was worse then I was. All I could do was grit my teeth in pain as he took out the Innocence, making it as painful as possible.

Pain flared up my arm and if I wasn't biting my lower lip, I would have ended up screaming in pain. Crowned Clown was begging me to stop them. _Don't let them take me!_ It pleaded, but I was in no position to stop Rouvelier. I hung my head and silently let my tears fall. My partner throughout my life was being taken away from me, and I couldn't do anything about it. Crowned Clown kept screaming at me, calling me a traitor and saying that he saved me. _I know, Crowned Clown. _I said to it. When it didn't reply, I knew it was over. Crowned Clown was gone, and I was alone. Rouvelier ordered Link to use Shibari-bane and bind me again so that I wouldn't try and run. It wasn't as if I was going to anyway. Neah just mocked at how I was a pathetic human being.

Some Destroyer of Time that I was. How about Destroyer of Trust, Hevlaska? That suits me better then Destroyer of Time. People who I thought were my friends came up and spit in my face; I made no move to stop them. Lenalee was crying in Komui's arms; begging Rouvelier to do something other then execute me. Lavi and Bookman were leaving the Order. He came and said one final good bye, leaving his headband around my neck. The black cloth was comforting around my bare neck in the middle of March. He ruffled my hair one last time.

"See you later." Were his last words to me. I didn't want to watch him walk away. Krory and Miranda came up to me and said their goodbyes as well. Miranda offered to keep a time-out up but I declined.

"I'll just take whatever happens to me." I gave her a fake smile. I had to act fearless for my friends. Tohma, Timothy, Lo Fwa, Rikei, and Shifu came next. Lo Fwa gave me some Mitirashi Dango and I thanked her. She gave me a swift kiss on the cheek, like she had started doing since she had gotten used to being around me. I could tell she was on the verge of crying. Rikei and Shifu had said their thanks and goodbyes and had taken Lo Fwa away. Marshall Tiedoll came and cried for me. He said I was such a good boy and a good friend for Kanda.

Kanda…If there is one thing that I'm glad about, it is that Kanda isn't here to see me die.

_Are you happy?_

Fou and Bak came next. Wong hung back on a request from Bak. Fou had given me one last hit and yelled at me for being an idiot.

_You're seriously happy with dying? If it protects your friends? You fucking naïve idiot. _

For the first time, in front of someone, I let my tears fall. Bak hugged me and told me it would be alright. I asked him what was alright with dieing.

Noon came sooner then expected. I was dragged to my feet and the noose was placed around my neck, under Lavi's headband. Rouvelier came up to me and ripped off the headband. "You don't deserve friends, monster." He told me. I couldn't hold back my tears from him any longer. I let the salty liquid run down my cheeks and Rouvelier slapped me. "You don't deserve to cry either."

I shrank back into the recesses of my mind. The deepest part I could find where Neah was. My soul gave my Uncle a hug. "Uncle, I'm scared."

He wrapped his arms around me and whispered into my ear sweet nothings. He kissed my forehead and told me everything would be alright. I would be with Mana, I wanted that, right?

I was faintly aware of the sound of crying as the floor dropped from underneath me. My vision was fading fast, and I was losing air at a faster rate. I cursed the Order, Rouvelier, and the Innocence. God and my friends for letting this happen.

My blurry eyes focused on one figure in the crowd.

Kanda was crying.

Pa—ge

Moyashi was being hung, and I was too late to do anything to stop them. I still tried. I pushed my way through the crowd and up to the gallows. He had stopped breathing and his grey eyes stared sightlessly at me. My tears hit his face and I brought my hand up to close his eyes.

I don't know how long I had held him in my arms crying, but when I looked around everyone had left. I carried Allen to the cemetery that the Order buried it's Exorcists in. Some Finders helped me dig a grave for Allen in the back. We didn't mark it in fear of the Order finding it and digging up Allen's body. We didn't think it would have been fair to Allen.

Giving him one last prayer, I took off.

-Three years later.-

"Who are we going to go see?" A little kid, about four with short black hair asked the elder man with her. She squeezed the elder mans' hand and he looked down at her. His onyx eyes seemed to glare at the child, but they immediately softened.

"Yuu, we are going to go see your mother." The elder man said. Today was the day that Allen had died, and the day that Yuu was finally going to meet her mother. Even tough Allen was dead; Kanda could still bring their child to come and see him, couldn't he? "You have to promise me something though."

"Yes, papa?" Yuu asked looking up at Kanda.

"Promise me you won't come and visit Mom without me." Kanda said and his daughter nodded. He led her through the Exorcist cemetery to the back. A patch of flowers had grown over Allen's grave and he had suspected it was Lenalee who planted them. Yuu looked at Kanda then back at the grave.

"Is that Mommy?" Yuu asked and Kanda nodded. "Was Mommy beautiful?"

"You mother is the only _man _I'll ever love." He said as he leaned down to hug his daughter, tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

Yuu smiled. "No need to worry, Mommy. I'm taking very good care of Daddy and we both miss you. We are waiting for you to stop sleeping in the ground and come back to us."

Kanda smiled at how naïve his daughter was. He looked back at the grave where his one love rests.

In the sunlight, he swore he saw Allen smiling at the two of them.

**A/N: Kill me. I had to write this. It came to me after chapter 200. I literally cried after writing this. **

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